How to castrate a hog

Well, the Farmer continues to learn. If you don't want piglets, make sure your male pigs are castrated! The cute pig scramble pigs, caught in July are now 200lbs big, and eating a plenty. I failed to notice that the male pig had some strange large growths located just below his tail. I guess some would call them pig balls, or more correctly testicles. Yes, our scramble pig was not "cut" so we might have piglets for Easter, or before.

I've been told that a boar hog's meat would taste like urine, so he should be cut at least 5-6 weeks before he was butchered. Not to worry, I was assured by a couple of knowledgable hog farmers that he could be castrated, even at this late date. Here is how it would go.

1) Get a bucket loader tractor near to the pig pen.

2) Try to catch the male pig. This should really be split into a few steps.
2A) Get into pig pen with three 200lb pigs. (No I didn't count myself.)
2B) Try to grab the male by the back foot. Yes, that foot is kind of shitty and really slippery.
2C) Once you get a good hold on the foot, hold on for a few minutes while you are dragged around the pig pen on your face. Now you will be kind of shitty and really slippery.
2D) Get a strong rope around each rear leg and throw a loose end over the hook on the loader bucket.

3) Pick up the pig, just until his front feet are just touching the ground.
You'll have to stop now to answer to the police and assure them that you're not killing anyone and what you are doing is completely legal. Is it?

4) With the pig, head down, balls up, clean around the testicles with iodine or something similar. Don't spend too much time at this or someone might get the impression that you really enjoy it.

5) Now is the time to get our the razor blade, no not your Schick Quattro dummy, just a single old razor blade. Any sharp knife will do, but it must be really sharp.

Just about right now is where we seperate the men from the boys. You are right, the boys would have no problem going on, but most men are now having second thoughts. Do you really want to be a homesteader, do you want to become more self-sufficient, hell no, I want someone to do this dirty deed while I run into the house and turn up the radio.

I could describe the rest of the procedure at length here, but this blog is about the Farmer, not the Veterinarian, and I don't want to lead you astray. If I were to complete the procedure, I fear that it could go something like this.

6) As I began to cut the pigs scrotum, the poor bastard flipped his head up and took a big bite on my inner thigh.

7) In the struggle to take control of my pain I end up slitting my left index finger to the bone. Now we've got pig scrotum blood into my open finger wound.

8) I wrap my finger with a dirty towel from the barn and I'm determined to finish the job.

9) With one hand, and in considerable pain, I try to continue. But I find that the pig isn't holding still, his squealing is now louder than ever. Before I know it, we've got the county sheriff, the dog catcher, the local pastor and most of the neighbors in the barn yard. What a sight.

On second thoughts, maybe I'll sell the boar to another homesteader so he can breed a few more sows and find his way into a package of hot sausage. Yea, that sounds good.

In all seriousness, we had the pig slaughtered at our local slaughterhouse, and because he was only eight months old, his meat wasn't tainted or strong. The big boy just walked onto the livestock trailer, without any struggle. We'll keep the sows for a while to see if they are pregnant, and if they are, well I guess we'll be real hog farmers.